Being emotionally prepared is a very important requirement in order to raise healthy, well-adjusted children through unconditional love – yet, it is often overlooked by many new parents!
As a result, people who lack healthy self-esteem and self-confidence become parents for all the “wrong” reasons. Their parenting styles become fear-based, controlling and expressed through unhealthy “conditional love” unconsciously unaware of the harm they are subjecting their child to.
Many people become parents unconsciously. Often they give little or no serious thought about the life-long commitment they are about to step into. Even with all the information available today, many people remain disillusioned or in denial of what their role of parent will realistically be once their baby is born. And, trust me, if I can give you one piece of valuable parenting advice – DO NOT STEP INTO PARENTHOOD EMOTIONALLY UNPREPARED – like I did!
Do you feel emotionally prepared for parenthood? Let’s put your emotions to the test. Here are the 7 reasons you might NOT be ready yet…
- You hope to fill a void from your own childhood. In a case such as this, the child will take on the burden of the parent’s unresolved emotions or unfulfilled goals from their own childhood due to their controlling parents. This behavior seems to be common among overly strict and/or demanding parents who, for whatever reason, seem to want to create clones of themselves, or “mini me’s,” and are obviously living their unfulfilled lives through their children; for example, they might push their children into running the family business or achieving a sports scholarship, or they might coax their children into a modeling agency or enter them in beauty pageants.
- You need someone to love you. Many unhappy people who feel the absence of love in their own lives, particularly teenage girls, often glamorize becoming pregnant and having a baby they can love in the hope of receiving love back from their child. However, it is safe to say that most teenage girls don’t have the life experience to be ready for the commitment of parenthood. Many teen girls are still discovering their place in the world and are usually not emotionally, financially, or mentally prepared for the demands of parenthood.
- You want to fix a broken marriage or relationship. As great as children are, they do not fix relationships. In fact, they may actually place more stress on a relationship because of the time and energy required to raise them, and as a result, any time and energy that would be required to repair the relationship would have to be redirected toward the needs of the child.
- You get pregnant by accident. With all the methods of birth control available today, there is no reason for a woman to become pregnant by accident! Nor is there any reason why a man cannot assume the responsibility of birth control as well. We live in a society in which sexual education is readily available so anyone can learn about birth control options. It is important not to be lazy or careless about taking precautions unless you are ready for this responsibility. And, yes, it can happen to you! Act responsibly, please!
- You want to trap a partner into committing. This is not love; this is fear of losing control. Needless to say, the person who does this brings an innocent child into the world under false pretences. Once confronted with the reality of parenting, however, the person may become resentful and angry toward the child. The decision to become a parent needs to be for healthy, rational reasons. Ironically, the person who does this is often the one who ends up feeling trapped.
- It is expected of you (the “grandparent syndrome”). Having a child to ensure the family surname exists or to fulfill a legacy to an aging or dying parent is not a good reason. Remember, the burden of raising the child will be yours, not theirs (especially once they have passed on), and if you are not completely committed to becoming a parent—for your reason—then don’t! You may find yourself becoming resentful rather than experiencing unconditional love for your child.
- You want someone to care for you when you are older. Many people fear being alone when they get older. These people have children in the hope that at least one of their children will take care of them should they arrive in a position where they can no longer care for themselves. However, healthy parenting should be established on a foundation of selflessness not selfishness. Parents can only hope that their children will care for them as they age; conscientious parents should not place the burden of this responsibility on their children or have children for that reason only.
As a parent, you will assume a very important role as the first person of influence in your child’s life. Like most new parents, you can still choose to rely solely on the advice of friends, your parents, books, pre-natal classes, or the internet and hope it all works out for you in the end. However, at some point you will need to rely on your OWN ability to make sound, healthy, responsible decisions for your child. And if you already lack the self-confidence to do so, it will be even more challenging and stressful when your child is completely dependent on you only — especially if you are a single mom or cannot count on the emotional support of a loving partner, family or friends!
Remember, as a parent, you will be faced with all kinds of challenges and decisions and the more emotionally and mentally stronger and healthier you are, the easier and more joyful your parenting experience will be.
If you answered, “YES”, to even 1 of those points above, then please consider giving yourself the right amount of time to do some emotional soul searching on why you really want to become a parent. Could you be looking for love from your child instead of finding it within yourself?
If you want to be a healthy parent who’s rooted in unconditional love for your child, then you need to love yourself unconditionally FIRST. Otherwise, how can you possibly love your child unconditionally, if you struggle with loving yourself unconditionally?
If I am speaking to your right now or someone you know and care about, please reach out to me as I would be happy to help you get prepared for being the healthy parent I know you really want to be for your child – remember, it’s never too late! I know how you feel as I was where you are at right now once too. Unfortunately, I had to figure it all out myself – the hard way. But today I am here to help you avoid all the pain I went through…Trust me, the work you do on yourself NOW always pay off in the end.
A healthy you will be the best gift you can give your child. As a parent, you will be able to take pride in knowing that your child is emotionally healthy, grounded and well-adjusted as a result of the positive, unconditional loving influence you had on your child.
If you would like to learn more about my emotional healing services, or the PARENTING LIFE SKILLS TRAINING PROGRAM, please feel free to contact me directly, firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions or concerns you might have or visit my website at: www.reikirita.com/parenting
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